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What Do You Do When You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling?

Sharon Jaynes

(My devotions will focus on marriage for the month of February. If you’re not married, I encourage you to read them anyway! And while you’re reading, pray for your friends that are married.  Believe me, they will appreciate it. Also, give a special blessing by passing these devotions along to them! Here we go…)

Today’s Truth

“Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love,” (Revelation 2:4 NIV).

Friend to Friend

“We’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’,” the guys crones on the radio. And I sit there and think to myself, “Stop whining man! Love’s not a feelin’ in the first place. That was your problem to being with!”

Now, that sounds a little cynical, I know. But can I be honest? I get so weary of people talking about falling in and out of love, like it is something you can turn off and on like an electric blanket to warm you up on a chilly night. Love is a commitment. I married my husband because I loved him. Now I love him because I married him. If we let our hearts be jerked around because how we’re feeling on any given day, then we’re headed on a never ending roller coaster ride that will leave us heart sick and soul sore. (I’m feeling feisty today. Can you tell?)

OK, so what do you do if you’ve “lost that lovin’ feelin’”? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were.  Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted. What do you do now?

Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in one survey, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried, divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.

So, starting over may very well be the answer … as long as it’s with the same man.

In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus. “Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love” (Revelation 2:4).  Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.

And it is the same way in many marriages. Many men and women have forgotten their first love. Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry…somewhere among the mundane routine of life, they’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’.

So how do you get it back? God gave the church two simple steps for the Bride of Christ to renew her passion for her Beloved, and I believe we can apply the same principles to renewing your passion for the man of your dreams.

Remember and Return

Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place?  Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. He wants to know if he still “has what it takes.” Let him know that he does.

Everyone loves a love story. Tell your children the story of how you first met and fell in love. Remember special days such as your first date, your first kiss, or when you first realized he was the man you wanted to marry.

Listen to a tape or watch a video of your wedding. Steve and I celebrate not only our wedding anniversary but also the day he asked me to marry him. I’m sure my son has tired of hearing the story time and time again, but he’s never doubted that his parents are crazy about each other.

Listen, if we tried to hang on to that “lovin’ feelin’” 24/7, it would be like continually popping a beach ball up in the air to try and keep it from touching the ground. On the other hand, we CAN commit to love 24/7. And while we’re at it, we can stir up some of that lovin’ feelin’ to go along with it.

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, I so want to be a woman that is on fire for You. I want my spiritual passion to be ablaze and never cool. Likewise, I want my marriage to be a passionate example of Christ and the Church. Help me to always remember what drew me to my husband and show me ways to keep that love strong.

In Jesus’ Name,

Now It’s Your Turn

If you have kids, tell them the story of how you met and fell in love with your husband at the dinner table tonight.

If you aren’t married, tell someone how you met Jesus Christ and gave your life to Him.

If you are married, write down what drew you to your husband initially.

If you are not married, write down what you long for in the man of your dreams.

Let’s share some ideas.  Click over to my blog page and tell one way you keep the love alive in your marriage.

More from the Girlfriends

14-Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge: How would you like to join your girlfriends in a 14-day Romancing Your Husband Challenge? Click over to, click on the challenge sign-up button in the right column of the home page, and your 14-day challenge emails will begin. Come on girlfriend, February is the love month – it’s time to spice up your marriage.

February is the month of love and a wonderful time to contemplate our marriages. Do you want to become the woman of your husband’s dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you’ll want to read my book, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams – Seven Qualities Every Man LongsFor.

In it I interviewed hundreds of men to find out what they really wanted, and many of their answers are in the book. They were honest. They were vulnerable. You might be surprised.

4 Responses

  1. Valerie Bentley says:

    What a great topic. For so many people especially Single, Christian, women the pressure is put on us to find a spouse. Why can’t we just enjoy God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost during our singleness. When I first came to the Lord on my Own, I was a mess, and even though I had been in and around the church it was not the same. I tried to emulate various people, prayer, and ways they worship but it wasn’t my own. I first realized that I could truly have a relationship with Christ for myself was when I gave birth to a 2lb-13 oz baby boy who need a respirator to breathe. He was born premature at 32 weeks. My encounter with the Lord was so amazing. I could literally feel his presence and his face upon mine during that difficult season and see his presence all over my son. Today that baby boy is 20 years old. He is a special needs young adult whose been raised in the Word of God. Although I have made some errors along the way, this time around with the Lord is sweeter than the first time and I truly can I really Love the Lord. He is true to his nature, character, and word all day and night long. He is truly worthy to praised. God Bless and Keep Inspiring Women.

  2. May Ann Rollon says:

    We will be celebrating our 1st yr anniversary next month and I am thinking of a special gift to my husband. Today’s devotion gave me an idea. I realized that my husband’s love tank is appreciation. I will write him a poem where all the things that made me fall in love with him are there. I believe he will love me more with that poem together with a self-cooked dish (I only cook on special occasions). :) Also, the verse reminded me to always go back to my first love – our Lord Jesus Christ. For the past year, my heart grew cold in worshiping and serving Him due to life’s challenges. But today, I realized that there is no one ever loved me like He do. I have decided to go back to Him. I have surrendered my heart again and asked Him to consume me with His love and presence.

  3. Christine says:

    Good morning! This devotional was so helpful and beautiful! A great reminder of what love IS. Jesus didn’t die for us because of “fuzzy feelings”, but because he Loves us! But that’s not to say that we don’t experience joy when we remember all He has done for us and think about our relationship with Him (some fuzzy feelings!). I’m a single young lady, considering marriage, and I think it’s so important to bear in mind both aspects of loving relationship, both with Christ and with family, friends, and romantic relationships: Love is sacrificial commitment and it’s not always “fun”, but it’s so worth it, because a lot of the time, it’s very beautiful. I know this firsthand from Loving my family, lots of pain, lots of sacrifice, and so much joy. We should remember this in our relationship with Jesus – it’s not a fuzzy feelings based thing! We need Him every hour, every day, and we are going to mess up, fall down, be awful! And we’re not always going to WANT to act like we love Him back – not going to want to pray, or have quiet time, or read the Bible… but it’s a commitment to relationship in which we are loved regardless, and it’s worth it! Same with spouses I imagine, and I ask God to help me put this into practice with my boyfriend. Love as a choice, even when I’m crabby, acting selfish, and not wanting to let the little things go! Love as commitment and sacrifice through the messy and the not-so-perfect is the only space in which the “fuzzy feelings”, the joy and the thankfulness for the relationship with all its ups and downs, can be experienced.

    Thanks so much for this devotional! It’s perfect for this morning at the start of Lent. :) Asking God to help me give up a “root issue” of a selfish attitude in my relationship (which often leads to the “symptom” of crabbiness and criticism), and this is a good reminder that Love is a choice, not an emotion. :)

  4. Mary Gervin says:

    Hello Girlfriends in Christ.
    I want you to know that you are a blessing to me and my friends and family. I am a part of the spiritual minstry
    in my church. We are a group of womens that are stewardess for the pastor and church. Your daily readings and devotionals are a blessing as i share the many inserts to my sisters and others. Thank you so very much, and may God bless and keep you all in his care.
    Love You,

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